25 Days of Lillian (day 17) Just a little photo and update

Lillian is certainly enjoying receiving cards.  I think she's gotten 5 so far and I'm letting her open them as they come.  She has even received some little gifts along with the cards.  Thank you to those that are taking the time to do such a small gesture for my little sweetie! Because we are in the midst of moving and have had some serious and big occasions happening, this post will be pretty much this little blurb and her picture.  Please continue to hold us in prayer...a couple of the older girls are really having a hard time.

25 Days of Lillian ( day 16) A tribute

You might find it strange that I would choose to write a tribute to my mother in law in 25 Days of Lillian.  However, once you read, you will understand how it is very fitting for her blog.

I have been with my husband for 23 years.  We are coming up on 21 years of marriage.  Thursday evening, we lost his mother.  Loving, devoted wife to Matt's dad for over 50 years until his death and then married again a man she called her best friend. He passed away a little less than two years ago.  She was the mother of six children, Three boys, three girls.  Grandmother to many, many more children.  Ruth and I had an interesting relationship.  I believe she loved me.  I certainly loved her. She had very strong opinions and she was never afraid of telling you what she thought. Which, to be honest was sometimes offensive to me.  lol.  I think everyone in the family could attest to that. For example, about 6-8 months ago as she was trying to regain her strength, she asked me to trade her bodies.  I said I would if I could, but she then she added, my body but less fat...  HA!!  We had a good laugh about it.  That was her.   We didn't always see eye to eye and I'm pretty sure she worried that I might never be able to raise the brood we were quickly adding to our quiver.

  We had our struggles.  We even had some periods of estrangement.  These last couple years had found me reclaiming my relationship with her.  She told me on multiple occasions how proud she was of Matt and me and also how sorry she was for past problems.

  The one area we didn't always agree, but definitely were able to share was our faith.  I had the privelege of holding her hands while bowed at her feet crying out to God for healing, whether it was physical or emotional.  She and I could always meet at the feet of the Father.

Upon her death, it had only been made known to three of us, that she wanted to be creamated.  Her sole purpse?  To offer her burial plot to us in case we would need it for Lillian.  The fullness of that decision is just overwhelming me.  I can't even put it into words.  So, in the event that my sweet angel is called home, she will rest beside her papaw and mamaw. . I tell you, Friday night while I lay crying in bed, her voice..her once strong clear voice whispered in my ear, don't cry for me...don't cry for me.  Just like in the same way I hear from the Lord...I heard her.

While I can rejoice that she is no longer suffering physical pain and she is reunited with Alec, and dancing and praising at the feet of Jesus, my heart is grieving what seems like a life gone too soon.

To my husband, my grieving children, brothers and sisters and all extended family gifted to me these last 23 years, I love you all, thank you for loving me into the family all this time. Michelle

25 Days of Lillian (day 13) a time to grieve

I've sat down to write several times today, but my heart is overwhelmed with sadness.  Matt's mother passed away suddenly yesterday evening.  

I've tried to explain it to Lillian a little, but somehow I think she kind of already knows.  I'm not sure how she will handle the funeral as this will be the first time she's really experienced someone she knows dying.  

While I know Ruth is in peace in heaven, I'm fully overwhelmed with grief.  Keep us, our children, especially our kids, and our entire family in your prayers as we walk through the next few difficult days.  

This is my favorite picture I have of her and the only tangible memory our son will have. 

25 Days of Lillian (day 12) A helper

Lillian enjoys getting into whatever we are doing and helping. We have had trees blow down and she has helped carry limbs.  She just gets right into helping as much as her body will allow.  She enjoys doing housework, emptying the dishwasher, dusting, cleaning glass.  She also does all these things with a smile. (An attitude I need to adopt from time to time)

In the move, we are working hard, scraping wall paper, painting, and other such things.  She spent a really good portion of the night scraping down wall paper in her sister's room. Madeline took a picture of her work and brought it down to show us and Lillian was absolutely ecstatic. She immediately wanted to run back up stairs and keep working.  What a trooper!

 She has attempted painting walls, but that was a short endeavor as she got a little carried away.  ( we kinda had to stop her lest we had blue paint all over windows and trim)

Now, picking up toys is a slightly different story, but she does help with that occasionally. 

We sure our blessed by our sweet little helper!

25 Days of Lillian (day 11) She celebrates EVERY thing

Lillian gets very excited about things you wouldn't expect.  When she watches Team Umizoomi and she gets an answer right, she cheers.  I mean, cheers, she yells, throws her arm in the air and whoever is around must be available for a high five.  ( i cheer too when she gets educational stuff right!)

 Buy her some mini pepperonis in the store and there is a celebration in the aisle that draws attention.

She gets excited when we talk about going to Grandma's houses.  She starts cheering when we get close to their homes because she recognizes that we are almost there.(it's always amazed us that she recognized landmarks at such an early age)

Her sheer joy is infectious. Not just to me or our family.  For some reason, I don't know why, she absolutely loves Menards and Home Depot.  Strange, I know.  We were going into Home Depot the other day and she was just giggling with excitement...it was just bursting forth from her tiny body.  There was a greeter at the door and he was smiling from ear to ear.  He handed them suckers and he looked at me, with the biggest grin and said, "boy, I've never seen someone so happy to be at home depot..." and then he said, "a kid, I've never seen a small child be so happy to be here".   Just looking at his face hugged my heart.  My daughter poured her joy out on him and you could tell it changed his day.  I told him I didn't know exactly why she loved it..but she does.  When she sees the Menards building from the parking lot she goes berserk cheering with excitment.  ( now the challenges we face in the store can cause the total opposite affect.  Heaven forbid we run into a fork lift moving something,because then she's freaking out.  the loud beeping and all...)

She is absolutely full of love and joy and I daresay everyone that gets to know her falls in love with her.  How could they not?Listen, you can't be around her tiny, little self and not have some of that rub off on you.  AND, as her mother, when I see someone take time to sit and play with her and enjoy her, it fills me with love and joy too.

25 Days of Lillian (day 10) the future

 This is a difficult post to write. (This is your kleenex warning)

The Bible tells us not to worry about tomorrow because God is already there.  So I'm not talking about worry.  I'm talking about planning.  Planning for a future.  When I consider Lillian's future, I'm fairly certain she will always be with us.  She will not grow up, go to college or likely even be able to hold down a job.  That is a future I see.  I also wonder what will happen if there's a day when I or her Dad will not be here or able to care for her. No parent wants to out live their children. As I consider all of this,the lump in my throat is causing me pain because who can love her as much as I do????

I hope, that her siblings and the spouses they choose will have a heart to take over Lillian's care if ever the need arises. I also pray that they will not be bitter in making the choice to care for her.  I don't know if it's fair to expect them to assume the resposibility.  Seriously, there are days when I feel very bogged down by the weight of the day to day, but I'm so grateful for the ability to continue to do so.  She's my child and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her.  Will a sibling feel the same?


Give Me Breath

As long as she is living, give me breath
As long as she is living, give me strength
As long as she is living give me health
As long as she is living, give me grace
As long as she is living, give me hope
As long as she is living, give me peace
As long as she is living, give me endureance
As long as she is living, help me to breathe
As long as she is living, let me give care
Lord, as long as you give her life...
Give me breath

25 Days of Lillian (day 9) Good Morning Friends

Day nine!  Only16 more days unitl this little girl turns 9...hard to believe.  I really, really, really wanted to have a birthday party for her this year and invite a few "friends". However, being in the midst of a move is not ideal for partying. My baby doesn't really have "friends".  She has siblings that she adores, but friends are another story.  Younger kids don't "get" her and kids her age, her peers, for 99% of them they pretty much ignore her.

It nearly brings me to tears when I see a child her age actually try to engage with her.  We have one family friend, Karly, that actually plays with Lillian.  She pays attention to her...she engages with her and it is absolutely overwhelming for me to watch.  One of my nephews also takes a bit of a shine to Lillian and tries to play with her from time to time as well.  I try to tell their Mom's how special they are because their hearts see something that other kids don't.  That's how we are though, right, all different with differing gifts. For me...as a mom, they are not seeing a disabled, delayed little girl, they just see a friend. Oh geez...how did this turn into a crying post...??? sheesh...

Example: We have a neighbor girl that is five or six.  She wants to come over every time we are outside.  When she does come over, she plays with Lillian a little, but soon is just wanting to hang with the older girls.  Lillian just doesn't have the stamina to keep up with playing physical games very long.  Then, before I know it, Lillian is sitting alone, watching the little girl play around our yard.  It's hard to describe... yes, even though Lillian is delayed, she's not completely on the level of younger children, just as she's not on the complete level of her peers. She recognizes that younger kids are younger than her.

It's kind of one of those things that break my heart, but really it's not something I focus on because it's just not that important in the grand scheme of things.  Just one of those "normalcies" that causes me a slight twinge of pain occasionally.

Anyhoo, perhaps we will party just to party when warmer weather arrives and try out a "friend" party and see how it goes.

So, since no party will happen and we will likely be celebrating together as a family, how about a card shower for Lillian?  She loves to get mail and you'd be surprised how much she loves to carry around magazines and cards and things?   If you'd like to send her a card, please email me and I'll send you our address qltlvr5@comcast.net.  Note; If you are a crazyinternetstalkergoingtotrackusdownwherewelive kinda person...please don't ask.  HA!

I leave you with a morning selfie...