Dr Blood Yearly visit

 Lillian saw her hematologist yesterday.  I like him, he's very compassionate. He can only continue to see Lillian another year or so and then we will have to transition to adult medicine Hem/Onc.  Strangely, though they are Norton Physicians Peds, they don't have affiliations with Norton Adult Hem/Onc.  They do, however, have affiliation with UofL Hem/Onc.  So, he said he could go ahead and refer her now to transition if I want them to. I said well, I'm not a huge fan of moving her yet, but whatever has to happen, must happen.  At the beginning of the discussion, he asked how we were, my response, " I've had better days, chemo sucks".  Lillian had also been sick so it's been craptown.  Didn't say that but I'm saying it here.  Here's where his compassion came in,  he said "you're going through enough, right now, we'll revisit this in a year.  Praise the LORD. Seriously.  He ordered her some blood work but due to the fact that she's still battling snotpocalypse, he said one of them wouldn't be accurate. So, she has her next infusion in early May, so we are going to get the blood then.  They still consider her a "tendency to bleed" rather than a bleeding disorder.  He ordered us some more amicar (bleeding preventative.) 

We then had Olive Garden, because the queen asked for it.  The waitress was so gracious to bring my drink (even though I could not drink it) in a plastic cup.  She also brought me plastic tableware.  I can't touch/drink things that are even remotely cold without burning.  (Making caregiving even more difficult) What I did eat (as eating this past week has been scarce) tasted so good but eating little still made me sick the rest of the evening.  First world problems, right?  

Lillian having Crohn's disease makes her more susceptible to colon cancer.  Me being diagnosed with colon cancer, makes her even more prone.  Going through what I'm going through right now forces me to consider if I would put her through this chemo process and it's agonizing. This is not something I dwell on (my Mom would say don't borrow trouble) but these are things I face given our circumstances.  So, I'm getting it out of my head by writing it here. 

Keep our son in your prayers as well.  He's 11. This is a LOT for him to process.  He had a huge breakdown a couple of weeks ago and it was HEART BREAKING.  Lillian was so affected she called almost all of her sisters at 230am in the  middle of the night with worry, which made them all worry.  So I had missed calls from them at 230.  When I called to find out what was going on, I then had to retell the story.  This is hard.  I'm emotionally wrecked due to the steroids and you all know I'm emotional as is.  I have physical pain to deal with, but it pales in comparison to the mental anguish of my kids.  

But, He is sovereign.  He is good.  This will all be for His glory. I heard a sermon recently, the pastor is a childhood friend..well we grew up together in church, he mentioned submitting to your circumstances is worship to Him.  That really resonated with me. (hope I'm paraphrasing that right) All of the sermons I've been hearing have been speaking directly to me.  I know that is no accident.  God has already placed me in a position of allowing my situation to allow a total stranger to share his journey with me. Honestly, I think the Lord just knew this man needed to speak about his wife who had passed 15 years earlier of colon cancer.  And there I was, just able to listen and let him share his heart.  

This is hard and getting harder.  But God.  (that's a litte reminder from my Pooh)