Friday, February 8, 2019

oh my heart

Grab your Kleenex, I'm giving you the heads up.  I realize I share so little of Lillian other than her medical "stuff".  Maybe it's more than that from time to time, but sometimes it feels like just debriefing.  Not today.

I've been watching this series on Netflix called When calls the Heart.  I read the books in high school and enjoyed them.  Two of my other girls had watched it and thought I'd like it so I jumped in.  It is wholesome, clean, and I can't think of any bad thing to say about it.  Lillian had taken to watching it with me, off and on, but enough to follow along and understand the episodes.

One night, we were watching the young couple in love, who were about to be married and the father of the woman comes along and says very sweet things to her and Lillian throws her hand over her heart, looks back at me and says, "awwww".  Each and every time there was a sweet or tender scene through the episode, she would just continue to throw her hand over her heart and looking back at me saying, "awww".  It was the cutest thing ever.  As the couple starts to tie the knot, she is totally engrossed and just delighted at what is unfolding.  I began to be tearful thinking about the fact that she will NOT experience this type of love story and she won't get married.  The grief of the thoughts overwhelmed me and I began to cry.  I quickly closed the box (as my friend Debbie would say) and shut out that grief as it threatened to sweep me under the tide.  We continued to watch the wedding episode and as it came to a close, she crawled up to me and was saying "awwww" and "talking" in her language of how much she enjoyed it.  As I looked more closely at her face, I realized her cheeks were wet.  I said, "have you been crying?"  and she began to giggle.  "yeeeaaaahhhhh" she said and giggled and giggled and giggled.  I told her it was ok to cry happy tears.  She just hugged me and babbled on and on (I assume) about how much she enjoyed watching that.   I'm telling you, talk about making my heart well up.  It was the sweetest thing EVER!   The grief I was holding back washed away so quickly as I soaked it in.  Oddly enough she wasn't even embarrassed, she told her sisters the next day how the wedding made her cry.  Usually if I tell a story on her she gets embarrassed and doesn't want me to tell it, but this she freely shared on her own.

Anyway, I really wrote this so I could look back on it and never forget it.  This is little girl is such a lover and sweet spirit.  Maybe this didn't need a Kleenex warning, but man did it hug my heart.  Such a touching moment.  She has so many hard stories to tell, it's nice to share a happy one.