I surrender all..

 You know that old hymn?  It was roaring in my mind Monday morning.  I woke up Sunday morning with a troubling physical event that *could* be related to my recent health concern.  I continued on getting ready for church and got to church.  A sweet friend took me by the arms and asked me how I was.  I gave her a brief synopsis.  I moseyed on to my seat, and another friend stopped me and my face must have told her something it didn't mean to.  She stopped me and said what's going on?  I gave her a very brief description of my morning, and she said, well, this is the place to be and I agreed.  Worship was going and I was immersed, and you know how that one song will begin, and there I was at the altar, dripping some tears.  That first friend came behind me and began to pray. Another friend was already up front with her son worshipping and she began to speak over me.  ( not knowing anything of my morning) Eventually I was on my knees praying and seeking...willing away my fears and failures.  Aside from my recent health issues, being a caregiver to a child who is medically fragile and has special needs is hard EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.  Not only am I providing total care, I'm scheduling appointments, refilling meds, in meetings, completing training, fighting, and, yes, I mean fighting for her benefits.  Phone calls, emails, texts, more meetings.  All in tandem with her fighting me every step of her personal care and unfortunately, she gets into a place that reason cannot be made.  She can't communicate.  It is so very frustrating. Not to mention maintaining my home, raising a son and having relationships with my grown kids and grandkids and husband.  So, I cried.  I wept and prayed.  Many prayed around me, I think.  Someone put their hand on my sweating back and just stood beside me.  It occurred to me; I hadn't even prayed over the insurance situations.  So, I did.  I prayed about Lillian.  I asked forgiveness.  I prayed for strength.   

Monday morning, I made one more phone call in regard to the benefits she should be getting.  It said 3 to 5 business day turnaround.  Today, I got a return email. Two hours later, I got a confirmation of approval.  

 Mark 9:24 " And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief."  I surrender all.

I Surrender All

Song by

Don Moen

All to Jesus, I surrender
All to Him, I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live

All to Jesus, I surrender
Humbly at His feet, I bow
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me, Jesus, take me now

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee, my blessed Saviour
I surrender all

All to Jesus, I surrender
Lord, I give myself to Thee
Fill me with Thy love and power
Let Thy blessing fall on me

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee, my blessed Saviour
I surrender all

I surrender all to You
I surrender all

I surrender all
I surrender all
I surrender all
I surrender all

New infusion Center & Bone density "clinic"

 Our new infusion center was wonderful  SOOOO glad we made the change.  The room was the biggest we've ever had and the nurse was amazing.  We had a little trouble getting liquid benadryl, but it shouldn't be a problem in the future.  

She saw the dr in the bone density clinic...which was just a visit with another dr.  They ordered some xrays and blood, all of which were normal.  I think at this point we will continue to have to have bone density scans yearly.

Her vitamin D was normal, which makes me happy because that means she's absorbing.  She's also over 100lbs which is great.  

She continues to love church and has started spreading herself around the church with different friends.  During worship, I often have to look for her because she is somewhere waving a flag.  

We took a trip to the Ark Encounter, and she enjoyed that, riding in a stroller donated to us from another special needs family.  There are fake animals in crates, and she kept talking to them like they were puppies.  When we went to the buffet, the kind cashier did not charge us for her, which does not happen for us very often.  I didn't expect it, and did ask for a child's price, but she just didn't feel right about charging us even for that.  It was a perfect day, good weather and not crowded.  

Her birthday is coming up.  19.  19 years.  She is SO excited for her birthday, if anyone would like to send a card, she LOVES to get mail.   

She was approved for the bigger waiver, we've jumped through all the hoops, but we are still in holding.  "waiting on the state".  

She has started having some rough behaviors towards me when it comes to her personal care, even hitting me at times.  It has been a mental mind field.  That is hard.  On a daily basis.  It is hard.  To add to that I get NO grace from some of those closest to me. Menopause Michelle (or post chemo Michelle or WHATEVER) is struggling.  If you see me and ask, how are you and I respond I'm ok.  That's exactly what I mean.  I'm only HUMAN.  Jesus help me.  

By the same token, I'm grateful to be alive.  I'm grateful to be able to dry my hair standing up again.I'm serving again.  Am I tired sometimes...yes.  

Anyway, that's all for today.  Thanks for your prayers and love.