Updating

It's been awhile and one would hope that means a little quiet time around this house...HA!!  That's a good one...just the way it goes in a household this size, I reckon. 

I never got a letter from our secondary insurance on Lillian, but she still is showing eligible, so that's good news.  Not sure if they are still waiting for documents or what, but I'm just happy it's still active.  Praise the Lord!

A couple weeks ago, she got really really sick...I mean like going in the hospital in 24 hours sick...turned out to be stomach flu and we were blessed to be able to manage at home, but it was touchy for a day or two. Took her three days to get back to tube feedings with formula.  Those are always scary days for this Momma.  Unfortunately, the WHOLE family, minus big Daddy, all fell to the evil stomach bug.  We had never had a whole househould of kids sick at the same time...not pretty friends, not pretty at all.  I will leave you to only imagine the gory details.  ICK. 

Her OT told me today how much she could see improvement in her strength in her hands, she was able to really pull on the putty that is one level down from the toughest putty.  (i never knew there was such a thing as levels of toughness of putty...while it makes absolute sense, I never even considered the matter)

Her Speech Therapist is a mixed report every week.  Some days she swallows and shows lots of interest in the foods offered, and other days it's a total no go.  She does come out with words and sounds now and then...more frequently, I'm just trying to be patient. Yesterday, she was just sort of grunting at me, and I said to her kind of firmly, "use your words or signs, Mommy doesn't know what you're saying"...well, she snapped into the biggest bunch of babbling you ever heard and I STILL couldn't make heads or tails of it.  Good...I know, but hard on me.  A pain I can't quite describe.

So I'm sitting here reviewing the days events in my mind and I find myself tearful as I think of the difficult parts of the day.  She fell repeatedly today slamming her head into the hardest surfaces...coffee table, hard wood floors, cabinets... sounding like a watermelon is being broken open.  No blood, but lots of knots and tears.  Then my mind starts to race...are her ears infected, is this just her "norm", is there something else going on to make her more unstable??  Oh man, it just never ends sometimes.  I found myelf almost in tears making her formula this morning. I know, sounds ridiculous.  I think it myself, but you can't imagine how to you just want to snap your fingers and all these issues disappear.  For her not to have all the struggles and battles.  I know I know, I recognize all the blessings and growth and GOOD things that are happening, but somedays it just hurts.   I have recently been haunted by some of those early days' memories, some of those awful bad days and to remember them ,at times, is just as painful as the day they happened. 

So I guess I should end with this, Lord, ease my troubled heart tonight, I know you got it all anyway....I extend this prayer to those other Moms out there walking a much more difficult road than me. Give us your peace.  Continue to give us your strength and remind us daily the blessing we've been entrusted.  In Your Holy Name.