Monday, July 14, 2014

Why does it bug me so

I try really hard to evaluate my attitude on a regular basis.  I realize I'm skewed in many areas and am always needing to try to see things from a "normal" perspective.  Course, that being said...any experience anybody has shapes they way they think and feel right? Recently it came to my attention that the words  people say to us in our situation can sometimes feel patronizing.  I will find myself getting aggravated and wonder why they even spoke.  Not only have I found myself irritated in my own life but in other's as well when they are facing the same comments.  After a conversation with another SN mom friend, she spoke some words that kind of shook my thoughts...we didn't know what this life was like before we walked it and so well meaning words are just that.  Well meaning.  Plain and simple.  SO, I must remind myself to be gracious...besides it's not really their words that are painful to me, it's my situation.  I must admit, there are times when I think  I really just want to have a reason to scream and be angry at someone when I'm struggling.  I just want to unload. Never happens because in the end I know it serves no purpose.  Maybe that's why when I get phone calls like I got today I feel totally unreasonably irritated.

Lillian's urology office called today and wanted to schedule her DSMA.  (this was a test they wanted her to have back when we saw them in Feb. and after we researched it, we told them last month that we declined the test.  Many many reasons) So, "Sunshine" calls and is giving me the date for this test that we twice told them we were not doing.  (rather putting her through for their medical research purposes) Here's how the conversation went

Me "she's not having a dsma, just a renal ultrasound"
S "well, back in Feb, the dr wrote we are to schedule it for august"
Me "we discussed it and I told her we wanted to wait to look into to then we told her last month we were not pursuing the test"
S "well, her notes say to schedule it and they company making the dye is discontinuing making the dye and they are almost out of it"
Me "ok, well, we are not putting her through the test, just the ultrasounds"
S "they are almost out of the dye and if you don't get it done you'll never be able to...they are the only company in this (emphasis) country who makes it and they are not making it anymore."
Me "right, we are not having it done"
S (irritated) ok. bye

SO much condemnation in her voice it was palpable.  I think I might have some more attitude adjusting to do today...sigh.

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