One week update and how am I

My husband had his surgery on Tuesday the 14th.  When I woke that morning at 4:15am as my feet touched the floor, I heard the Holy Spirit speak "there is another in the fire".  I felt calm, I felt strong.  Two things I haven't felt since the news dropped on us about the condition of his heart.  You see, Matt has always been the calm, unworried, silent strength.  I tend to be more vocal, extroverted, emotional one.  Ask anyone who knows me. 

In a matter of moments are lives changed, again, so quickly and dramatically it was hard for me to wrap my brain around.  Even after I sat in his room on day 2 post op it felt surreal.  He was barely coherent, yet there he was giant wound down his chest, wounds in his legs, wires and tubes from ev-er-ry place. 

 My big breakdown came that night.  I could not get a grip.  I cried out to the Lord.  Songs flowed in my mind calling out to the almighty.  After about an hour maybe, I called a dear friend and she came and sat with me and I cried even more.  Ezekiel had been emotional that night, Lillian couldn't quit crying simply because I couldn't quit and her trying to comfort me only caused me deeper sorrow.  My friend stayed with me for at least two hours.  I told her over and over we've never been surrounded with more support so why was I so overwhelmed?  Exhaustion is not my friend.  HA!

Matt is doing well from a surgery standpoint.  He remains in ICU awaiting transfer to inpatient rehab due to physical limitations he struggled with prior to surgery and have been worsened by the fact that he cannot use his arms for 12 weeks because of sternal precautions.  He did wind up having five bypasses.  His disease is extensive per the surgeon.  My husband has never drank or smoke, he is not obese, far from it but he does have a family history.  

This is overwhelming and the exhaustion I feel is not comparable to anything I've ever felt before, even with all we've experienced.  This is so very different.  The Lord is faithful  The Lord is good.  If you are struggling, I pray this gives you some hope that you are not alone.  I remind myself, daily, that the Lord already knew this was coming and he already paved the way.  Now, I think my windshield cracking all the way across on my way to hospital Thursday would have been a stress I could have lived without this week...but such is life, right? All of this drives me to my knees for him and intercessory for so many others who are suffering.  

So, how am I?  I'm overwhelmed, I'm exhausted, this is hard.  I'll continue to tuck into the shadow of his wing and reach for his hand.  Thank you for your continued prayer and support. 

Specialized blood test and Infusion

 We traveled to KY two days in a row.  Tuesday for a specialized blood test and today for her infusion.  Both procedures went well, they were able to get her with one stick both times.  Lillian seemed to experience a lot more pain with them this time.  I was very grateful she only had to get two sticks.  We are supposed to meet with her GI dr next week to have a check up and schedule her next scopes because as of now, she has been getting treatment for one year. It is time to see if she is in remission. That might have been a real milestone, I think, had the coming events not be in place.   That being said, in my last post I mentioned my husband and the fact that he was having a heart catheterization.  He did have it and the results were not what we hoped for.  All the chambers of his heart have high levels of blockage and currently the plan is that he will have open heart quadruple bypass surgery on Monday the 13th.  

This is incredibly overwhelming.  We are also supposed to meet with her blood dr to see about the results of the specialized blood test.  All of this will have to wait or can wait.  My brain can barely comprehend what is coming.  A road I would choose not to take, but I road we will travel nonetheless.  I continue to  put my hope and trust in the One who already knew this would happen.  I choose to be grateful that they found it before he had a massive heart attack and could not be saved. I choose not to think about what I can't control and pray for God to work it all out.  The surgery, the timing, the unknowns, the financial hardships...He's already working things out.   This is hard. Hard for everyone, his family, my family, our children.   So, so hard.  Keep us in your prayers.  Might be a hot minute before I'm back here.