One week update and how am I

My husband had his surgery on Tuesday the 14th.  When I woke that morning at 4:15am as my feet touched the floor, I heard the Holy Spirit speak "there is another in the fire".  I felt calm, I felt strong.  Two things I haven't felt since the news dropped on us about the condition of his heart.  You see, Matt has always been the calm, unworried, silent strength.  I tend to be more vocal, extroverted, emotional one.  Ask anyone who knows me. 

In a matter of moments are lives changed, again, so quickly and dramatically it was hard for me to wrap my brain around.  Even after I sat in his room on day 2 post op it felt surreal.  He was barely coherent, yet there he was giant wound down his chest, wounds in his legs, wires and tubes from ev-er-ry place. 

 My big breakdown came that night.  I could not get a grip.  I cried out to the Lord.  Songs flowed in my mind calling out to the almighty.  After about an hour maybe, I called a dear friend and she came and sat with me and I cried even more.  Ezekiel had been emotional that night, Lillian couldn't quit crying simply because I couldn't quit and her trying to comfort me only caused me deeper sorrow.  My friend stayed with me for at least two hours.  I told her over and over we've never been surrounded with more support so why was I so overwhelmed?  Exhaustion is not my friend.  HA!

Matt is doing well from a surgery standpoint.  He remains in ICU awaiting transfer to inpatient rehab due to physical limitations he struggled with prior to surgery and have been worsened by the fact that he cannot use his arms for 12 weeks because of sternal precautions.  He did wind up having five bypasses.  His disease is extensive per the surgeon.  My husband has never drank or smoke, he is not obese, far from it but he does have a family history.  

This is overwhelming and the exhaustion I feel is not comparable to anything I've ever felt before, even with all we've experienced.  This is so very different.  The Lord is faithful  The Lord is good.  If you are struggling, I pray this gives you some hope that you are not alone.  I remind myself, daily, that the Lord already knew this was coming and he already paved the way.  Now, I think my windshield cracking all the way across on my way to hospital Thursday would have been a stress I could have lived without this week...but such is life, right? All of this drives me to my knees for him and intercessory for so many others who are suffering.  

So, how am I?  I'm overwhelmed, I'm exhausted, this is hard.  I'll continue to tuck into the shadow of his wing and reach for his hand.  Thank you for your continued prayer and support.