Saturday, September 26, 2009

I want it to be me

Every labored breath, every needle in your skin, every prod and poke-I want it to be me

Every tube inside you, all the surgeries, all the pain you suffer- I want it to be me

All the hospitalizations, all the doctors to be seen, all the therapies- I want it to be me

All of the diseases, all of the infections, all of the unpleasantness- I want it to be me

Every single fever, that seizure, just that one, how can I explain it except- I want it to be me

Every puked up feeding, all the food you don't get to eat, every cough and discomfort- I want it to be me

But its you, it's always you the weaker one, the small- why can't it be me

Take it all away, make you well, give you some relief, but I am simply helpless, just the standby, I don't want that to be me.

You are feverish and vomiting and I sit by your bed imagining the worse case scenario, I wish I could take it all. I hope you always know, I've always wanted it to be Me. I love you.


  1. I will share with you....Hang in there - and may Lillian be destroying something in your house that you just picked up soon...


  2. Don't make me cry. I wish I could help with the vomiting and the fevers. I wish I could give you rest, comfort. I wish I could offer a cup of coffee and some light conversation. I wish I could watch over Lillian for you, to give you a moment. Can only send prayers from afar, which I am doing right now,friend.

  3. I know exactly how you feel. I remember thinking that many times. Please know I'm praying and thinking of you. I wish I could hug you, I know you need it.

  4. Lots of hugs and tons of prayers!!

  5. Isn't this the truth?! I'm sorry that you are having to watch your daughter endure so much! This is so difficult on a Momma!

    I pray that she is feeling better today! I'll be praying!

    Just know that you aren't alone! Also, know that if it were you, who would take care of your family??? God has a plan and He is using you and Lillian to carry it out. It sure does SUCK in the mean time, but there is a purpose!

    I pray that God sends you peace, strength and grace as you walk this road! HUGS!!!

  6. oh michelle I'm in tears, i hope the fever has let up by now when I'm getting around to reading your blog. Poor Lillian has endured more then any child should at such a young age it isn't fair is it. Your doing so much more then think your her rock, you care and love her non stop and unconditionally. Your her Mommy, never the standby.

    Big ((((hugs)))))

  7. You just made me cry. :(
    Hope things are looking up.

  8. Hugs and prayers.

    And, something tells me she has always known that you wish you could take her place and that you love her. She knows.

  9. oh my gosh! How beautiful!
    As I cry, all I can say is me too!