"I don't know how you do it"

I've heard this statement more times than I can count.  I'm sure some of you reading this have heard or been told the same thing or maybe even been the one to say it to me..*smiles*  (stay with me here, in my weird way this will hopefully all make sense *winks*) 

So here I go telling you all the crazy in my head.  A young teenager lost her life this past week in our small town.  She was the same age as my oldest daughter.  I believe any parent can feel a strong reaction to such a situation.  You feel grief for the family and then you are thankful for your child and you maybe hug them a little tighter.  I have all that.  Then...well, then....I'm gripped for moments in fear or not fear so much as panic maybe when I think of the frailty of my sweet Lillian.  My mind is automatically creating scenes of a future event I don't even want to comprehend.  I HATE that my mind goes there.  How do I stop this crazy thought process?  This sounds so incredibly selfish even as I type it...but I am profoundly shaken when I hear of a child's death.  It strikes a chord of fear in me that I cannot even fully describe. 
 A friend of mine shared with me a sermon she wrote and she spoke of Jeremiah. Her opening statement was "how did I get here" One of her points throught out was God giving us all we need in circumstances we don't feel qualified to do.  All through reading her work, I thought of a former pastor who often said "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called" I can totally identify with feeling like I'm not strong enough or qualified for the journey I've been on these last almost 6 years.  But guess what?  Each and every day God gives me renewed strength through prayer and His word.  He sends me encouragement through friends and people I don't even know.  Each and every day.  There are days when this lady would surely have called it quits if the Living God wasn't living in me.  Praise God for his strength.  So, today as I continued to work through these emotions and thoughts running rampant in my mind, I began to recall scripture...particularly the words "think on these things"  I found my way to Phillipians and I found comfort and renewed focus...

⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

⁸ And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. ⁹ Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
  ¹³ For I can do everything through Christ,^[c] who gives me strength. ¹⁴ Even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.  (NLT)


Verse 13, that says it all.

Seems like it's been a while

but it really hasn't I guess.  Lillian has continued to struggle with coughing and snot and such and I for one and over that I can tell you.  Last night was rough for her,,,it was breathing treatments through around the clock.  I let her sleep and took her to school late.  I'm trying so very hard to make the choice to be happy and positive each day even when the days seems so hard sometimes.  God is teaching me so many new things these days and really working in me.  I'm so encouraged when I log onto facebook and see some miraculous stories and seeing answered prayers...how can I be negative??  I'm trying real hard. 
So, let me share a little testimony here, (I'm trying really hard to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit) if you're reading you know LIllian didn't have her scheduled chest CT on the 28th due to illness.  When I called to reschedule it the lady answered the phone and immediately I felt pricked by the Spirit to pray for her.  After we scheduled the appointment, I asked her her name again and she told me.  I then shared with her that I felt God wanted me to pray with her.  She was quiet.  I asked her if  there was something burdening you I can pray for.  She told me her husband was from Africa and they were trying to revoke his visa and send him back and they were very stressed.  So I prayed.  When I stopped she spoke again and I prayed some more.  She was quiet again and then told me I had awesomely blessed her day.  That she had just been sitting there praying about it and she received my phone call.  My walk through Lillian's journey is drawing me closer and closer in my walk with the Father and I LOVE it.  While I wish my child were not sick, I can see the blessings in the days even when she is.  I would maybe not have had this chat with this woman had she not fallen sick. 

Anyway, she did have her CT and has been sick ever since.  I always wonder after we've been in a hospital what kinds of buggies we'll bring back home.  We go back down to KY at the end of the month to discuss results and a winter plan.  I feel very strongly that she needs to get a flu shot as soon as possible as well. 

In other news, Isabelle is still struggling with belly pain and I'm on the move to reach out for help in other areas at this point. 

We were finally able to borrow a bike trailer so Lillian could go along on my bike rides...which she LOVED!!  Then last week mine and Isabelle's bikes were stolen out of our fenced yard.  Whoever took them is hiding them well, bc I sure haven't seen them around town.   It's been a tough couple weeks with two sicklies and the theft, but hey...we will survive and recover and just keeep on keepin' on.  God is good.   

Two weeks ago

Lillian began showing signs of upper respiratory/sinus issues.  She missed the rest of the week of school and I cancelled therapies and we set in for long nights and breathing treatments.  By the following Monday it seemed she was better, good enough to go back to school and also have her chest CT.  MOnday night we went to bed, started her a pedialyte drip and went to sleep.  Her pump rang out at about 4 and promptly at 440, she began to vomit.  At this point, I'm groggy and trying to dial phone numbers to cancel her CT.  Puking on pedialyte is never a good sign.  She puked and had loose stools for two days.  She finally turned around on Thursday and I felt good about sending her back to school Friday.  We had a long weekend and she seems to be back up to snuff.   I have rescheduled her CT for the 13th.  The sleep center called and left a message and I've yet to call them back, but hey when your up to your eyeballs in sickville you tend to forget stuff, ya know? Not to mention Isabelle is still dealing with stomach issues and it just super overwhelms me when I have two sickly kids.  We are still waiting on results for her.
 Ready to try to settle in to some routine, but its just not happnin' so far....the bus driver forgot to pick her up on MOnday and today she was about 15 minutes late bringing her home.  I stood out in the rain for 25 minutes waiting and when I finally went back in and watched from the window, I head a honk and she had come a different direction.  As I was waiting for her to get home I witnessed my highschoolers get off their bus while TWO vehicles completely disregarded the stop sign.   I guess some poor child is going to have to be hurt before the city steps in to crack down on this.  I've called the police...that was a big help...NOT.  They won't even do me the service of showing some presence in the area during bus drop off hours.