Looking back AND ahead

This past weekend we spent packing up the craft/storage room to make room for baby.  There is still much to be done, but there is progress.  As Matt brought in the gently used crib that had been given to us, my heart did a little flip flop.  I didn't think he was going to put it together, but he did and now I look at it in amazement.  It just doesn't seem real.  Of course, it sets my mind to thinking about the last few weeks of pregnancy with Lillian.  Maybe some know, maybe some don't...I was on bed rest due to blood pressure complications and we HAD to move from our home.  We were losing the home we had bought and lived in the last couple years.  We moved in the first week of November, and because of my bed rest, most things still sat in boxes piled up everywhere.  Three weeks after moving, she was born.  My sister and girls had been busily preparing the room for Lillian fully anticipating our arrival home shortly after delivery.  Diapers opened and waiting, dresser drawers filled with all her little clothing.  Everything in  it's place.  Waiting.

It is almost bittersweet to be preparing this room for our little baby boy.  Sounds strange doesn't it? While I don't sit around lingering on what if's, I would be lying if I didn't say that fear creeps into my brain at times.  Even through my whole pregnancy with Lillian there were never any signs that she would be so critically ill when she was born.  So as closely as I'm being monitored and ultrasounded, that thought will pass through my mind.  I think breathing will come much easier when I hear his first cry and see him breathing effortlessly.  For me, it is a strange mingling of grieving and joy.  Back and ahead.

What I do know?  God is sovereign.  He is already there, preparing our future, whatever it holds.  My faith is strong.  

Romans 8:28 " And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

PS- Lillian loved having the bed put together and she insisted he needed a pillow in there too, so she went to the couch and placed one in the crib...AFTER she got her step stool so she could reach.