Have no doubt

 I had claimed every reason to stay home from church today.  The thought of facing friends and acquaintances was just more than I could bear. Aside from my sadness, I had the family coming over and I'd be making homemade pizza for everyone.  I knew I could worship Jesus right here in this house.  Then, I thought, well...I could just arrive later when church was already started and avoid the hi and how are yous and leave before everyone else.  Yep, that seemed like a good plan.  Something I could manage.  A recent conversation with my brother from another mother, he had told me you are not alone Michelle, we are here to support you guys.  All I could think this morning, was true, not true.  I am alone.  I feel alone.  I know the Lord is faithful and near, but man it feels lonely.

  I got up and started prepping food and kind of taking my time and needing to shower but just didn't think I had the time...but I did it anyway thinking oh we'll be arriving late anyway. Well, I ate breakfast, fried a pound of sausage, got dough ready, made brownies, took a shower, and got ready.  Matt was handling all of Lillian's needs.  My hair was still damp, but it was only 930 am.  I got up at 8:07.  Church started at 10.  I sucked in my breathe and we loaded up and arrived early.    I was talking shop about some recipes with a friend and she started to tell me what a testimony I was.  She reads my blog and was just encouraging me over and over.   I headed to a friend to drop her a card and another friend stopped me to plan an evening to bring us dinner which helped my heart.  

Hear me friends..... HE KNOWS IT ALL.  We were two praise songs in and my spirit connected.  Third song starts,  'all my life you have been faithful, all my life you have been so so good, with every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God'  I made my way to the front to sing at the altar.   In seconds, two were gathered around me.  Then, there were hands around me, prayers from every direction and I shuddered as tears gripped my entirety.  Scripture was spoken.  Tears were shed by my sisters for me and with me.  I was held, not just by my sisters, but the hands and feet of Jesus.   Sisters came and sisters went.  I have no idea who they all were, but I laid down my burden for my daughter.  Another sister came to me and began to speak prophetically about my loneliness...and that I was NOT alone.  How could she know that???  I have rarely ever spoken that aloud.  That's how you know it's Jesus, friends.  That's how I know HE is near because He uses others to confirm what I already know and believe. So you see, I tried to hide.  No matter what I tried, He had other plans. My heart is still tender, but in my weakness He is strong.  My burden is lifted and peace has been restored. 

Life is hard.  Our life is maybe harder than others.  More of Him and less of me.  Have no doubts, HE is there.