Dr. Lungs checks in

 Lillian saw her pulmonologist today.  She is not going to have her scopes next week due to the recent sicknesses she has endured.  They want at least six weeks of wellness from the time of steroids before anesthesia is administered, and since she will be fully anesthetized, it's a no go.  We are able to stop every four hour treatments as of Friday and she is back to her twice a days.  She is finally behaving like herself, playing in her room and no longer a fixture on the couch. (which I can tell you does my my heart a world of good)

We attended church Sunday for the first time in weeks and we rejoined the main congregation.  As I went forward to praise at the altar, the tears slowly fell.  Next thing I knew, I was on my face on the floor wailing with body racking cries.  There were many hands on me.  I cried to the Lord for help because weariness was heavy on me.  I use the word tired a lot.  Turns out, it's not really being tired...it's weariness.  The physical and mental exhaustion of caregiving mixed with the love and concern I have for my child is heavy.  The good news is, He is truly the one carrying me. My feet would not hit the floor if not for His strength.  Grateful does not seem to be nearly a strong enough word when I say I'm grateful.  Grateful for the Lord, grateful for my family, my church, the prayers you all give.  I released a weight that I'm not able to do in my home because it is too heavy for my girl to bear.  A dear friend, prayed over me before and during that time and she said to me, I wish there was something I could do.  I told her that was my problem, I wish there was something I could do.  I *feel* helpless, but I'm not hopeless.  

Do you need hope?  I can tell you where to find it. just ask.  He's waiting.

"And now Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You." Ps 39:7