Lillian has just started saying "mom" . Both "m" sounds, the 'aahh' sound . For the longest time she signed mom or she has been saying Maaaa for the longest time, short a sound. Just a few days ago, I actually heard her say "MOM". It's like her word now to see me and say it over and over again. It melts me. Truly. I can recall the early days of her life worrying that she would not know I was her mom, that I was just another nurse caring for her. I couldn't cuddle and hold her the way I longed to and she smiled for the first time at Matt. I cried on his shoulder one night sharing my fear. At that time it seemed so reasonable, looking back I know better than that, but when you are sleep deprived and starting on this journey your brain takes you bad places. Her saying 'mom' just makes me think how much words can really affect a person. I look back on my days as a young mother and there were days, particularly in the car, that all the girls would be babbling away and all I really wanted was for them to just settle down and be quiet for a few minutes. How much it was driving me crazy not to just have some silence...a year or so after that particular time I began to really regret ever having those thoughts and never ever took the opportunity to try to silence their chatty hearts no matter how crazy I thought I would get. Today, five plus years of having a little one who works so so hard to speak...and speaks words very seldom, I'm acutely aware of how grateful I am for the words that pour from my childrens' mouths. Young mothers or even seasoned mothers, enjoy those loud, talkative, inquisitve voices. Cherish them. Life is so short and those moments are precious. You never know what tomorrow holds. Hide their words in your hearts.
So many issues have been difficult in this walk with Lillian, but I have to say the nonverbal part is especially hard for me. I believe there are so many thoughts and words in her mind that just can't find a way out right now. I try to face the reality that they may not and that's ok.
Just some thoughts from a Mom who is trying to live and learn and do my best on this 15th year of celebrating Motherhood.