Tuesday, March 24, 2015

In my dreams

In my dreams, I want a room full of all the things you love...a play set, a full toy kitchen, a little pretend grocery store.  Room for you to run and play.  No limitations in this room.  There are so many ways you are limited in your surroundings. Not even sure about places that are safe or even fun to take you.  I know we have much to be grateful for and I AM...I am so grateful.  There are days, though, days that I ache for what I cannot do...what I cannot give you.  Days when I feel like my best is just never enough.  You don't seem to know, though...which is a blessing..but also brings a bit of pain to my heart.  Love, though, you will never lack for love.  How I long for your life to be easier.  For you to be healthy and healed.

My sleeping dreams are another story...they are filled with sadness and pain.  They are cruel tricks of my subconsience.  They are riddled with pictures of you dying...why do I dream this way??  I long to close my eyes and never again wake to wetness on my cheeks as the tears spill into my waking world.    It is a dream I fear will someday become reality.  Something I will NEVER be prepared for. 

I will try to stay in today.  Not think about my dreams, waking or sleeping.   

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