Monday, June 15, 2015

Did you know?

There are easier, kinder ways to let people know you miss them.  (let me just say I'm sure I've been guilty of this very thing, but it's been so long I can scarce remember)  I've written of my experiences recently of missing church on Sundays.  ***Listen, I know this life is not all about me and my little world...I get that...but this little blog here is a place for me to release things from my mind or maybe touch someone else on a similar path...or enlighten people who may be in the dark***

We, as a family, have been living through some very difficult situations in the last seven months.  All of it revolving around the health of a few of our kids.  It has been HARD.  I have landed in pits and struggled with my parenting.  I have never stopped praying or seeking God in all of these days.  While there may be some who view my lack of attendance at church as is not.  I have been told as much.  Me and Jesus have talked about it.  I have struggled will feeling offended by my friends and church family. Every time, I realize, it's about Him.  It doesn't matter what other people think or say.

Did you know that your exaggerated, surprise appearance to my walking in the church was funny once, but after the third time it was difficult for me not to feel shamed.  Did you know when you "re-introduced"yourself to me for the third time, it ceased to feel like a joke.  Did you know when you asked me about my "annual church visit" for the second time I had trouble keeping a smile on my face and feeling loved?

Did you know that morning was only the second time this year I've gotten my husband to come to church.  Did you know we were late because we couldn't get our child's feeding pump working properly and it took nearly twenty minutes to fix it?  Did you know I was worried my medically fragile child might get sick just by bringing her into church?  Did you know I battled tears as I felt there was no place for her during children's time eventually leaving her in the preschool room with three and four year olds?  Did you realize I felt there was little connection with God because I was monitoring my toddler because I don't want him in the nursery for fear he will bring something home to his medically fragile child?  Did you know we pulled our child out of church and school and large gatherings and she stopped being sick ALL THE TIME?  Did you know I do trust God, and I believe He's given us discernment in all of this?

I'm an honest, fairly forthright, not too too private kinda girl.  If you know me at all, you know this.

Did you know you could say, "oh how I've missed you Michelle"  "oh how I've missed your sweet baby we've little seen" "Is everything alright? " "I must have missed you in passing, so good to see you today"   Did you know how much that would hug my heart?

I guess my pastor would probably say, "waaaah waaah waaah" , so whining time is over.  Just some thoughts from a special needs mom trying to do the best she can.

No comments:

Post a Comment