Thursday, April 7, 2011
I am having a blah kind of day. Not really sure why. Just am. Yesterday, Lillian's speech path informed me that because they had a waiting list of six kids, they were going to cut Lillian's half hour session so they could get these other kids in and out and hopefully by summer get her in for her one hour twice a week sessions. Maybe, this would not bother me so if all of Lillian's biggest needs are related to SPEECH. She kept asking me if that was ok, and I said, no not really. I don't know if I should get her back into her previous speech therapist or what. I don't know if I should just tell them NO, and I had to wait on a list for her to get in there....I'm feeling very helpless, yet again. How can I feel that I am doing what's best for her when the professionals in place aren't meeting her needs. I get a complete feeling of loathing when I am mixing formula each and every day. I want my child to eat and be healthy. I desperately want to break that boundary of speaking. This was just not what came to mind when we decided to have just one more. You know how your kids are sick and they don't like to take their medicine. Usually that only lasts seven to ten days. How about everyday....twice a day having fluids forcefully shot up your nose?? How about every day...having to sit while a breathing treatment runs. How about every day being hooked up to a hose four hours a day restricting you activities and movement. How about every day a bloody nose. How about therapies every other day just striving to learn to do what comes normal and natural for most everyone else. Today, I'm tired. I'm mentally going through the checklist of all that needs to be accomplished and did I give this med and that and have everything done that needs to be. I think most times I feel so normal...just not today. Not today.