Thursday, July 22, 2010

I think

Right now is the healthiest you have ever been. I look back at old pictures and see this tiny frail baby, struggling to survive. While you are still very pale, and still trying to learn how to move that tiny body of yours, you look so much better. I remember that first year, expecting at any moment you would die. There, said it. Now it rarely crosses my mind. Perhaps it is a protection mechanism. Just don't go there. Tonight I was impatient with you, I was tired and feeling like I needed a "break", but then you do the smallest things that make me smile and I instantly let that feeling fade away. You are such a blessing and a joy to me...my heart aches it is so full of love for you. You have brought something even more special to my life and each one of our lives. I think it is difficult for anyone to be around you and not be in love. I still struggle with the unknown, but.... I think I've begun to let go of some of the things I grieve you may miss out on...because it is ok. You are special, you are different, and that is OK. It is not bad or worse, as some might see it. You will always find joy in life where others will not. I love you. My life may not have turned out the way I thought...but I would not change it. Not a moment. Love, Mommy

4 comments:

  1. Very sweet, and very true!!

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  2. Okay, looking up TOTALLY does not work!!! As I type this, I see over to the right that 70% of children with her deletion die by age 1 or 2. She is a miracle and a blessing. And so stinkin smart and mischievous (which I think she gets from some of those older sisters!). I can't wait to see what she'll do next. Nothing compares to our girls. Not in a million years. We are so very lucky.

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