Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Just Trust.

Lillian's little granulation tissue is changing,not sure it I'll go so far as to say it's gone, but the ciprodex is making some change. I hesitate to say how great she is doing...she is doing so well. If we could just figure out the balance on this poop thing, it would be perfect. It just dawned on me tonight that my child no longer has a hole in her neck. It almost makes me want to cry. I am so thankful. I look back and cannot hardly fathom how much she has come through.

It is amazing.

I attended a church service Sunday at a friend's home and the pastor said in his sermon...I'm paraphrasing...'wouldn't it be great if we knew the outcome of situations that arise when we are being joyful because we know that is what we are supposed to do, not because we are really joyful? Won't it be wonderful when we sit at Jesus' feet and understand why things happen and we are TRULY joyful' WOW! Like a ton of bricks. Hit me right in the heart. I cried as he prayed the final prayer.

How much of the time I'm really grinning and bearing it bc I know that's what He wants, not bc it's how I really feel. I know there is a purpose...

I also had a conversation with a new friend and she was sharing a difficult situation she was going through and she said to me, "I know He just wants me to trust him" "I just have to trust Him"

I have said to myself and others, many times, I must be missing seems that I'm just not learning the lesson God is trying to teach me.

My friend, Deb, made a necklace for me some time ago and the words she stamped in it were TRUST.

I think it will be a while before I can truthfully say I'm joyful for EVERYTHING that is going on. Hey, I'm human and sinful and selfish. But I think I'm finally fully trusting.

I know these thoughts of mine are scattered, but it's the best I can come up with at the moment.


  1. Trust. Always the struggle. We are Warrior Mamas and we are worriers. It is so hard not to snatch it back and worry on it some more. I could make a list a mile long of things I spend time worrying about. And it really is wasted time because my worrying does zero good.

  2. Sometimes I have such a hard time understanding why its all happening. And sometimes it just clicks. I think it will always be something that at times we question why!

  3. I haven't been to your site in a while and WOW! What a great surprise to see that Lillian got her trach out. That's awesome news. :) I loved the pictures of her swimming. What a normal thing, and she had so much fun!