When you can't sleep, count your blessings instead of sheep...

......and you'll be counting your blessings.....

It is one a.m. and I find myself unable to sleep, so I started counting my blessings. This week has been rough...Lillian sick, fevers spiking high and fast, ear oozing still, vomit volcanoes...to make a rough situation rougher, I became ill as did my eleven year old. Lillian's fever broke after five days. Me, I'm still hanging onto a little yuck, and Isabelle is better, but one eye is very swollen. Tomorrow, I think we will return to "normal" schedules. As I lay here, thinking of the past week, I'm so grateful Lillian is sleeping peacefully again and has made it back to her own bed. I'm struck by the awesome blessing it is to be able to have her in MY bed, right beside me. Not me falling asleep in a chair over the bed, or sitting up on the couch counting hours til meds need to be given. Now, to say I slept would be stretching, BUT, at least I could have her right here beside me. Able to monitor her breathing, her temperature, her movements so easily RIGHT beside me. Something I couldn't do for so much of her life. I vividly recall in that first year feeling so bewildered because I couldn't just pick her up from the crib to even comfort her. There was so much equipment and tubes and attachments.....oh my how I can recall the pain that sliced through me as I felt helpless to really BE a mother to her. I shed so many tears as I feared she would not bond with me or feel loved bc I could not physically show her my love. Counting my blessings instead of sheep.