Wednesday, September 21, 2011

How much can a tiny body take?

I'm just going to forewarn you that I may sound a little like a raving lunatic...

Today, I attended the viewing of the baby I mentioned Monday who had passed away.  I waited in line for an hour.  The place was packed.  I neared the guest book, and started to lose my resolve.  Tears pooled in the corner of my eyes, I've never been to a baby's funeral before.  I stood there, inching closer to the family, and his Mom was so distraught.  It was heartbreaking.  They kept stroking him in the casket.  He looked so sweet and peaceful, like he was sleeping.  Mom had stepped away from the casket when I got up there, but her Mom, his Grandma was there and I held her in a tight hug as she thanked me for coming up....*shakes head* The grandparents all appeared to be very stoic.  All I can think of is the days ahead for them.  How right now, they are probably still reeling in shock and how hard the next days, weeks, months, and years will be.  I mentioned them for prayer in our Bible study this morning, and like people do...someone mentioned that we had to remember God has a purpose in it.  I do know this, but at that moment, I wasn't really interested in particularly receiving her thoughts in the matter.  While I have NO idea the loss of a child, I've stood very close to it.  I know it sounds selfish, but when I experience what I did today, I think of my own children, which I think all parents do.  What would I do?  How would I handle it?  I think especially of Lillian and while she is SOOO incredibly happy most of the time, she is usually fighting something ALL the time.  I start to wonder how long her body can handle the issues she deals with 98% of the time.  I wonder if anyone else thinks that of their kids?  There are those who will can't think like that...I don't think like that ALL the time, but in times like's hard not to.

Lillian continues to struggle with her feedings and  I think I need to call the Dr tomorrow and touch base just to get his thoughts.  It's been a hard day. 

1 comment:

  1. I am having the same thoughts, just 8 hours away. I'm glad you went to the viewing, and I'm glad you wrapped her mom in one of your tight hugs. I cannot imagine the pain, even though I have let my mind wander there. Still praying for them.
    And I get a little tired of people being sunshine and rainbows about God's purpose. Sometimes bad things happen to very good people. It is part of life, but it still sucks.