Monday, September 12, 2011

*warning* post may be scattered

You've been warned, that's all I'm sayin'.  I woke up late this morning, having set my alarm clock for 8PM rather than 8 AM.  Huh, go figure.  So, I woke up at 9AM, the same time I'm supposed to have Lil at therapy.  :/.  I was feeling very frustrated at a certain person, besides myself, for not having made sure I was up and going....I could NOT comprehend why he would not check to make sure we were going since he knew we have this standing appointment EVERY week.  I rushed around, threw my clothes on, tried to make my hair NOT look like the grease ball it was bc I was not going to get a shower before going into a public place.  Lillian was already awake, playing in her bed which I did not hear, probably because we have two fans running upstairs.  ANYWAY- I get her to therapy half an hour late, and rush home to shower.  My Mom calls me just as I've stepped out of the shower and my very short, frenzied Monday unfurls on the phone.  I found myself, blubbering away...pains in my chest with each swell of tears.  My head is saying, oh Michelle get a grip on yourself, it's not a big deal.  Not a big deal.  I started pouring out to her or at least in my head how difficult it is sometimes.  I don't complain to garner sympathy...I guess I needed to just let it out.  We have been approached by a few different groups through church to be involved in the youth groups.  My problem, I WANT to say yes, I want to jump in and DO it all.  The trouble is, I can't jump in whole heartedly and be dependable.  Here it is...the issue I'm trying to say delicately...I think, I may be upset because I just can't.  I have a child who is sick.  She can be walking around fine by day and sick as a dog by night.  That is who she is.  I accept that this is the season of our life right now.  I guess I found myself in a place before now, that people mostly knew that about, they don't.  I find my soul aching when I try to explain these issues to people who don't.  Even as the words come out of my mouth, my mind is thinking 'they probably just think I'm lamely copping out'.  That's ok, too.  The Lord knows my heart and the whole situation.  Thankfully, my Mom, just listens and offers support.  (Thank you Jesus, for not giving her more "words" for me this morning.)  As I jump in my car back to pick up Lillian, one of my new favorite songs begins to play...Yaweh, yaweh, we love to shout your name oh LORD....I sat in the car and worshipped just for the duration of the song and found my heart so blessed and relieved.  I came home and received another phone call, this time Lillian's ENT. Her assistant to be exact.  Dr ENT has spoken to Dr Plastic and they want us to make an appointment for a surgical consult.  He wants us to bring the dvd of the procedure.  I have to tell you, friends...I'm unsettled in my spirit over this.  I haven't made the appointment yet. Lillian's ST has offered to attend the appointment. I'm very grateful for that.  It is mildly intimidating for me to face this DR again, who just a few short months ago, pretty much blew us off.  A lot for a Monday if you ask me, but this is our everyday.  Every. day.  Lillian will still be having her surgical procedure Friday, and the rest of this week is full of therapy, school, cross country meets,  bible study, church meetings and much more...Friday will be on me before I know it.  I know so many of my fellow warrior Mama's are bearing much heavier burdens right now, I feel led to share this verse...
Matthew 11:29-30 " Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. "

1 comment:

  1. This life is hard. It's even more difficult to feel like your surrounded by so many people who don't quite get how it feels. I'm glad you were able to vent. That probably made you feel so much better, especially hearing a good song.