Thursday, August 2, 2012

A time for everything

Lillian's health seems to be staying steady for the time being.  She was really struggling with some drainage recently, but doing better now.  School starts in one week and my girl will be off to Kindergarten.

I was spending time in prayer this morning praying for another little girl whose Mother I met for a brief moment in the therapy waiting room today...I was transitioning into prayer for Lillian when it just hit me like smacking into a wall.  I began to weep as I grieved the fact that she might forever be three years old.  It brings me nearly to tears as I type about it now.  I was shocked by the wave of emotion that was hitting and how unprepared I was for the feelings I was having.  I remember thinking I don't want her to be stuck at three, I want her to be happy...I want her to be fulfilled in life.  I tried to be still and rationalize all this grief that was over taking me.  Of course, immediately I  believe God answered with "of course she's going to be happy, what makes you think she wouldn't be".   I'm still a little vexed as to why I was so wrecked at that moment in time.  I really haven't been worrying over her.  She's been relatively healthy.   Transparency friends, I want my daughter to have a "normal" life. I accept her the way she is, but I'm sad occasionally for what she may not have...does that make any sense?  I LOVE every inch of this sweet little angel, I love her so much it hurts deeper than I knew was possible.
So, with a tiny bit of an aching heart I leave this...
Time for Everything--- Ecclesiastes
3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.


  1. I have been meaning to write but am up to my eyeballs,. I fully understand and feel what you are saying.

  2. I can totally relate.....although...I would actually LOVE it if Gavin was at a 3 year old level. It hurts....big time.....some days more than others. Love and Big Hugs!