Wednesday, August 8, 2012

The sun will come out tomorrow...

Tomorrow Lillian will begin her first day as a kindergartener.  We spent a couple hours in her new classroom this evening.  I had a meeting with the school nurse yesterday training her on the pump, gtube replacement, and the "bigger" issues I could think of.  I don't know is just going to happen and I have to just give it to God.  A deeper step of faith and trust in Him.  I finally got a call from her bus driver and she will have to board the bus at seven thirty in the morning and be on for an hour before getting to school.  Both ways.  Yes, I could take her, but my transportation isn't always that reliable.  I have an older vehicle and stuff happens, I have other younger kids coming home to consider as well. Last night I was a wreck.  I didn't sleep and honestly just felt there was noone to talk to.  Matt was asleep and I didn't want to wake him and unless you're walking this road, its hard to feel understood. I felt so completely alone. My child is fragile and nonverbal.  She can't tell me if something bad is happening to her.  I feel about as tight as I can be in the rock and the hard place.  I did get a little sense of peace as I left the school.  There is a ton of second guessing.
 Matt's answer..."go to school, volunteer all day and then you'll be there"  helpful?  notsomuch. realistic? notsomuch.
On another note, I felt a pang of sadness as I listened to her teacher tell another parent that they had their academics but they focused a lot on lifeskills.  Can I really tell you  Just the little niggle of reality.  A new step in life. LIFE.  I guess there's the real focus.


  1. You know what , your right , life is going to happen. I am sure glad Gos promises to be there every step of the way.

  2. Hey, I understand your baby girl is off the kindergarten mine is in the hospital and no one understands this alone feeling. As typical children run to get on the bus with their backpacks and happy faces ours, well yours, isn't so typical and reality sets in. For the most part we can pull away but now she is out there. I get you oh so much and admire your courage. It will never be easy, our heart strings will always be pulled and tears will flow but the blessing they bring and the strength and wisdom we have gained makes it all worth it. Girl God has put us on a road that not many get to take. Honestly many opt out of special needs children and sadly it is their loss. But on that road God has given us the tools we need if we rely on Him. Not sure this helps and I am speaking more to myself I think but know I am praying for your day.

  3. I'm sorry it's so hard to send any child to kindergarten, but even harder when they have special needs/medical needs and you hope things work out the way they are suppose to. Hugs!

  4. Wow Thomas. Your just made me cry! Michelle, I'm here for you anytime you need to talk. I used to go in 2x a month for a couple hours. Go and observe if it will put your mind at ease. She's in good hands with Mrs. Klakamp. Lots of love and hugs!