Tomorrow Lillian will begin her first day as a kindergartener. We spent a couple hours in her new classroom this evening. I had a meeting with the school nurse yesterday training her on the pump, gtube replacement, and the "bigger" issues I could think of. I don't know friends...life is just going to happen and I have to just give it to God. A deeper step of faith and trust in Him. I finally got a call from her bus driver and she will have to board the bus at seven thirty in the morning and be on for an hour before getting to school. Both ways. Yes, I could take her, but my transportation isn't always that reliable. I have an older vehicle and stuff happens, I have other younger kids coming home to consider as well. Last night I was a wreck. I didn't sleep and honestly just felt there was noone to talk to. Matt was asleep and I didn't want to wake him and unless you're walking this road, its hard to feel understood. I felt so completely alone. My child is fragile and nonverbal. She can't tell me if something bad is happening to her. I feel about as tight as I can be in the rock and the hard place. I did get a little sense of peace as I left the school. There is a ton of second guessing.
Matt's answer..."go to school, volunteer all day and then you'll be there" helpful? notsomuch. realistic? notsomuch.
On another note, I felt a pang of sadness as I listened to her teacher tell another parent that they had their academics but they focused a lot on lifeskills. Can I really tell you why...no. Just the little niggle of reality. A new step in life. LIFE. I guess there's the real focus.