This mor ning started as usual. We got up we got dressed and happily headed out for our five minute drive to the rehab office. By the time I pulled into the parking lot I looked back to see Lillian sobbing her little heart out. She clung to me like glue. Even seeing her favorite "guy" PT when we walked in didn't give her a smile. She continued to cry and beg to stay with me. I hung out in the waiting room for some time and asked the receptionist to check on her and she was still really upset. So I observed through the two way glass until she seemed to be perking up. I decided I would run some quick errands but instead got in my car and had my own melt down. There are things about this journey that are so so stinkin' hard. It's hard being a parent period. Wondering if you are making all the right choices, deciding how hard to push your kids. Having a special needs, medically fragile child compounds those feelings exponentially. And it breaks your heart sometimes.
When Mrs Speech took her on back I requested prayer on facebook and I started praying for her myself. When I got in my car I started giving thanks for the fact that Lillian is able to cry on my shoulder. Something I know that parents who've lost their children no longer have the comfort of.
I came back early and found her coming down the stairs with Mrs PT with a malfunctioning feeding pump and we headed out of there a bit early. I dreaded taking her on to school. I totally didn't want to have to go through all that again. She signed to me she wanted tacos so I grabbed some tacos and took her to school. She transitioned very easily into class and I was able to slip out with no problem.
At home, she is super clingy, if she has any thought that I might be leaving she melts down. She is definitely missing her mommy. I have a friend who comes over and we ride bikes at night, she came in tonight and Lillian clinged right to me because she was afraid I was going to go on a bike ride. Another emotional day in the Halcomb house. The other girls are also exhausted because they are trying to adjust to school and there have been big steps in school, a new highschooler and a new middle schooler. Harder work and more expectations. The emotional really kicks me in the physical. I'm whooped.