Tuesday, January 10, 2012

In the beginning...

Lillian was born not able to breathe.  She was blue from head to toe.  They would bag her (resusitate with an ambu bag) and she would turn all pink.  As soon as they stopped bagging, she would turn all blue again. This went on for several cycles.  The chaos shifted in to high gear as all the professionals in the room started looking stressed.  You can tell there is something worse.  Moments I'll ever forget.  I knew something MORE was going on when the doctor left sewing me up to tend to her.  She spent the first two months of her life trying to breathe.  I never really thought about breathing being hard.  Until then.  Five years later...with diagnosis such as chronic lung disease, asthma, trachial malacia, words like sats, breathing treatments, retractions, wheezing....is it not a wonder that I become a little stressed when she is sick.  There is no routine or lesser illness in Lillian's case.  EVERYTHING seems to attack her ability to maintain "normal" functions.  Eating (via gtube) and breathing.  Routine is a word that just cannot be used in conjunction with her.   These last two surgeries took us down the road of breathing issues yet again.  It is stressful when there is a cough that is constant and eventually leads to vomiting.  There isn't a whole lot of room for breathing in between.  Add in any "minor" infection and it all affects the ability to breathe.

 breathe [ bree ] take in air: to repeatedly and alternately take in and blow out air in order to stay alive

Sounds easy doesn't it?


  1. Should be easy.....

    But for our kiddos, unfortunately this is not always the case! And, I would say that breathing for us, as their Mommas, well.....that's also not very easy to do sometimes! Of course, it could have to do with all the times we are holding our own breath as we anxiously watch them struggle to breathe!

    UGH! OK, Deep breath.....in....out...in...out

    To most I'm sure it seems easy anyway. How I long for the days when breathing came so naturally!


  2. Praying that her breathing will get better soon.

  3. It's so hard. I think when you've have seen your child go through so much trauma with breathing, any illness would naturally be stressful. Hugs...She looks so cute in her glasses!