Hmmmm

Lillian woke up this morning with a fever.  I cancelled her therapy and decided that it was time to see the dr.  She's been dealing with something for what seems like forever. We just got her feedings back up to normal.  So, we have to leave immediately because the office was going to close at eleven today.  Thank goodness they took her.  We go, only to find her lungs sound good and her ears are clear.  He placed her on a z pack ( i just finished a round of levoquin for her) He thinks maybe it's her sinuses.  Love her pediatrician, but sometimes it just feels like they might be missing something.  It's not like I want her to be sick, but that would be better than some unknown.  She is on increased breathing treatments and having these little asthma attacks.  She is blowing green out green stuff like no tomorrow...ugh. 
It hit me on the way home, that, hello, this is just the way it is.  The heart squeezing burden overwhelmed me and the tears just started to flow (mind you I did try to hold them off..um..yeah right).  I realize she is not sick in a way that other people deal with.  I am grateful for that.  It does not change the fact, though, that she is rarely, if ever, well.  It is just not what any parent wants for their child.  So, I prayed. I reasoned in my head all the ways that I'm thankful and grateful, but the pain of it just hit me like a ton of bricks.  (as it sometimes does) Scriptures started to flow through my mind

 Matthew 11
²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.   ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

James 1

² Dear brothers and sisters,^[a] when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ³ For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

These were the two particular ones running through my mind.  This post was interrupted by  her vomiting due to fever she is now spiking.  Hopefully the tylenol will kick in and we can keep her feeding going.  Looks to be a long night.