I was a speaker for a church Christmas ornament exchange a couple weeks ago. I was able to share a little of my testimony of faith as it has unfolded over the last several years, altered greatly by Lillian's birth. After I spoke, I really examined my heart and realized I was was probably wussing out a little when it comes to situations where I feel so out of control. I DO believe God is in control and He's got it all. I'm trying to learn how to NOT be anxious or fearful when it comes to surgery and everything else that pertains to Lillian's health.
Her pump sounded the end of her feeding and it triggered the thought in my mind, "YAY a whole feeding in with no problems" quickly followed by..."wow, it will take another month, after tomorrow, to get back to this point...again"
I have not allowed myself to build up anxiety, I've really tried not to focus on tomorrow's events at all. I'm trying not to have expectations about what it may or may not do for her future.
I've been feeling a bit jittery, edgy even.
So, if you would, say a prayer, for her, for my family, for me. Will update as I can post op.