Well, today has been a bad day in the world of being a special needs mom. First off, two nights ago in my exhausted stupor, I got up in my sleep and turned off Lillian's feeding. She did not receive over half her volume of nutrition because I for whatever reason turned it off. Talk about your parent fail. While I try to let those things go because it happened and I can't do a thing about it, it just feels really, really, bad.
Today, I found myself totally alone. Noone to call for help...alone and in a pickle. It was early morning and Ezekiel had been up most of the night wailing complaining of neck pain. To the point that I was crying because I was becoming scared by what was going on. At one point, I was sitting in the bed, holding him like a baby while he cried. At some point Lillian needed attention, breathing treatments, restroom assistance...I was stuck between to babies who both needed me and one of them was going to suffer. It's not the same when you are dealing with "normal" kids. A normal 9 year old can help themselves. Be self sufficient, mine cannot.
I had to make a rush doctor appointment and go in there unshowered and unkempt, because I only had time to get Lillian's needs taken care of in order to be able to care for Ezekiel's.
I can't just run out my door. I have a feeding that has to be prepared and go.
It's been a bad day for me, as a mom.
Ezekiel needed an xray and looks to have some type of muscle strain. He's had a rough rough day.
It's been hard day and I'm feeling even more disappointed that I can't do something special for her birthday because we are just too buried in everything else. Lillian, Ezekiel and I are also try to recoup from sickness.
bad day, just keepin it real people.